Musings

Maverick

2010-09-17T02:33:00.001-07:00

I am the wind.. I do as I please,

I can be a cool breeze,

and sometimes a storm,

but please don't expect me to follow the norm.

I'll be happy to follow ...

but only my heart.

The sad truth about love

2010-08-04T13:21:00.000-07:00

Love is an addiction. People can't imagine not being in love. That's why people recover from broken hearts when they find someone else. I also think I have just understood the reason for cheating. These are people who want to quit but can't or are too scared. Love is an addiction and a crutch. So, they want to quit or leave but can't do it unless they have someone else to love. Affairs are not the reason why relationships end. They are one of the medium through which relationships end. So for all those people who feel their husband/ wife left them for someone else are wrong. The relationship had ended. They just didn't have the strength to walk away alone.

Why do people quit and why relationships end at all is quite another story. But, I guess, addictions are never good.

Be who you are - cos you dont have a choice ...

2009-12-12T10:25:00.000-08:00

Prof Moon told us tday in his delightlful class on 'Managing Teams' - "We as pepole cannot sustain a difference in our beliefs and our behaviour".i If what we believe in and the way we conduct ourself is drastically different, it can cause various adverse effects like depression, anti-social activities, stress, unhappiness etc.

With this in mind, I want to introspect and figure out if I act as per my beliefs and also the other way round.

A little more than just a friend ...

2009-11-16T05:25:00.001-08:00

Sometimes...all you want is just a friend.

When you are small, all you want is someone to play with. At the times you don’t have a friend, it’s no problem. You can always make new friends. You can also convince yourself that there is no one like you and you are all alone in this world. Imagination is a powerful tool. After all, the world is big and it’s lonely at the top and there are many things to be done and the path to greatness is best tread alone. There are a whole lot of things that parents teach their children as they grow older. Lies. Lies that help us brave the world and times of solitude.

As you grow older, you realize that life is best not walked alone. There are many people who can join us in the journey. Friends who may or may not be true, but who give you company and as long as you walk your path and do what you like, you’re fine. If such a friend deserts you, you feel bad, but you have the strength to carry on. You remember your parents’ words. Life is best walked alone, walk a little further, meet other friends and move on.

As you get still older, you realize what falling in love is. Then, you look for and luckily find that one person who is your best friend and who knows you inside out. This best friend listens to you and understands you like a soulmate. He knows your weakness and he knows your strengths. Sometimes you feel he knows you better than himself. Nobody warned you about this kind of a friend.

Then one day this friend stops understanding you. He doesn’t walk at the same pace as you. He tells you that he is there for you, but you look into his eyes and you can’t believe his words anymore.

You tell yourself that he’s just another friend. You try to remember your parents wise words. You try to remember what it is like to walk alone. You remember all the times you’ve been left alone, met new friends, and carried on with life. You can’t think. Your life is a blur. You break down. You want to pick yourself up but you can’t. You sit there waiting for a miracle to happen and you wonder - . Why didn’t my mother tell me about this?

Floating

2009-01-12T19:54:00.000-08:00

We're floating in the sea ..
I'm trying to believe you're coming closer to me ..

But we're drifting towards and sometimes apart ..
Letting the waves guide our hearts ..

Don't tease me with the distance ..
Swim to me and save us ..

KNOWING YOU

2008-10-22T00:19:00.001-07:00

Do rules make up your life?

Do you know what life is about?

Do you care for anyone?

Do you care for those who care?

What is your heart telling you?

Dance to the rhythm.

Is anyone hurting you?

No. its only yourself.

Life is perfect.

Why?

Because you create it.

You are creating the existence you want.

Does anyone love you?

Do you have a home?

Does a smile on someone else’s face make you cry?

Out of joy? Envy?

Are you happy?

Do you know what you want?

Are you creating or reacting?

Are you scared?

Of what?

Have you ever failed?

Do you believe in God?

Do you like the feel of the cold air on your skin early in the morning?

Do you like to watch parrots on the tree outside your house?

Do you like to run and feel the blood rushing in your body?

Do you live everyday?

Do you like to make people around you happy?

Do you thrive in gloom?

What is your religion?

Do you think you have the power?

To rule a life.

To rule the world.

To make a difference.

To create.

When was the last time you created something?

When is the last time you remember?

You create everyday.

Celebrate your creativity.

Celebrate your creations.

Create.

Yeah, so why do we make friends again?

2008-04-10T03:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my jazz dance instructor was trying to explain the importance of chorus dancing before solo dancing. Suddenly he asked us why we thought we make friends at all. There was obviously a silence in which we tried to answer a question we’d not asked ourselves in a long time. Probably close to never.

“For entertainment”, “For Company”, “To have a helping hand around when we need one!” Etc

The answers were obvious. Too obvious to be right, we collectively thought. He asked us to think about the kinds of friends we usually make and keep.

“These are people who have some unique skill or quality that you admire. People whom you’d like to learn something from. People who will help you grow, into who you want to be” he wisely explained

I liked how those words sounded. Of course, fun, compatibility, entertainment are aspects of good friendship. But, a primary foundation to any true relationship is a genuine “respect” for each other. Also, being safe in the knowledge that you are there, to help each other grow, to eventually become - secure, independent, complete individuals.

P.S - I've been updating my blog. If you've got this e-mail, I'm sure you're pleased to know that you're included in the list of my friends who will be regularly notified of any/every new post I publish on my blog. We're pals. You'll forgive me, right? Luvya, Sonali :)

Favourite song golden jubilee

2008-04-08T23:31:00.000-07:00

I've heard Colby Caillat's debut album song - "Bubbly" more than 50 times since yesterday. I'm still in love with it.

I just read yesterday's post again. The fabulous weather in Delhi these past few days sure inspired the 'romantic poet' in me.

A song for the night breeze...

2008-04-08T10:53:00.000-07:00

When it’s strong enough to lift me up, I dream of flying...
Holding you tight, on a magic carpet ride,
Above the lamplights, below the stars...
Where the night sky feels just right

I’ll sing a song for the night breeze .. because it lets me dream of….. you

When it gently flirts with my hair, I dream of dancing...
In your arms, as we twirl around,
among familiar faces, in large open spaces…
To soft and pleasant sounds

I’ll sing a song for the night breeze .. because it lets me dream of….. you

When it softly whispers in my ear, I dream of conversations…
That we can have .. without a word,
Endlessly, forever understanding ...
whats unspoken but always heard.

When the persistent breeze tickles the trees awake ..
When starlight flickers in the strong winds
I’ll sing a song for the night breeze .. because, it helps me dream of….. you

‘To ask or not to ask’ … it’s all about the question

2008-02-01T02:30:00.000-08:00

Whenever I’m confused about making a decision about doing something I ask myself these two questions -

1. “Why should I do it?”
2. “When should I do it?”

I’ve observed that unless I have detailed answers to these two questions, I don’t move forward with a decision. It takes long to arrive at an answer that is satisfactory (subjectively) from all angles. Therefore, I usually hang there in limbo until the moment to decide passes by leaving me to struggle with the next in line of life’s decisions.

Lately, I’ve realized that there is a quicker way to handle such dilemmas.
I have yet to try this principle in all my life’s areas, but it’s yielded some interesting results so far. Now, when faced with a similar decision, I ask myself 2 slightly different questions -

1. “Why shouldn’t I?”
2. “Why not NOW?”

I have decided to answer these based on my top and most critical priorities/values in life and if there’s nothing major that stops me, I shall go ahead and do it.

I have a feeling that without the unnecessary justifications/rationalizations/analytics that have come to be a large part of our lives I’ll end up doing a) a lot more and b) more of what I like.

A successful fitness drive - (when work meets play :)

2008-01-31T10:42:00.000-08:00

I’ve been having great starts to my day for the last 2 weeks. I’m coming to respect my aerobics class for a lot more than the obvious reason of helping me fit into my oldest pair of jeans.

Getting up
Today, suvi and me made it to the class well in time. We actually got out of bed in the BITING delhi winter cold, dressed and found ourselves driving in near darkness to the land of fitness.
+ : The feeling of accomplishment on having woken up early

Hanging in there .. (literally)
During one particularly strenuous set, it was took all my physical/mental effort to maintain my precarious position as I heard my instructor counting down a long way from 0
+: The feeling of knowing that I’m capable of a lot more than what I let myself believe everyday.

Oh it hurts
I tried the chakra-asan on a slippery mat . Bad Idea. My back didn’t take it too kindly.
+: The music was great. The injury could’ve been worse :)
Like I said, it’s been a great day.

I realized how many of life’s moments can be like that and there are lessons to be learnt from an aerobics class. IQuote: “Exercise (Work), can be eagerly looked forward to. All you need is a feeling of community(friends), the will to have fun and some music"

A walk in the park in my new grey gym pants!!!

2007-10-13T22:17:00.000-07:00

I woke up early this sunday morning, smiled at the gradual light filling my room, got up and dressed for a healthy walk at my neighbourhood park. Before one jumps to errorneous conclusions regarding my sense of fitness and/or madness to have subjected my sunday morning to such treatment, I owe you and myself an explanation.
___

I bought these new gym pants yesterday. I mean they are really hot. I had to grab the nearest occassion to wear them ... hey, what?!? You've never done this before ?!?
___

So my little walk-in-the-park-to-show-off-my-new-gym-pants could have ended up being just that. Only that would have been plain embarassing to write home about. Therefore, this post is not really just about my fashion parade. It did start of dangerously like that. I was well aware of my I-Pod perfectly complemeting the shade of my new grey hot pants. I was confident and happy to be part of the walkers world. I switched on my music, decided to look out for cute joggers and took off.

I felt the gentle nudge of a soon-to-come winter in the cool morning air, just as my favourite country song came on. Suddenly, I started to notice the shades of green around me and a random thought of 'how green was not just one colour but many pretty ones' found its way to my head. I think thats when I began to forget what I'd really come here to do.

The brisk round of the park that I'd planned soon followed with a slow second. I took time to observe the obvious signs life around me and to look out for the quieter ones -

> I laughed quietly when a I passed group of pensioners sitting around practicing 'laughter therapy' and planning a movie at PVR.
> I smiled when I walked by a little girl of about 8 earnestly practicing 'Pranayam' that her grandmother was teaching her.
> Despite being a part of the large majority that watches but doesn't play cricket, I felt the child in me rejoice along with the kids I saw playing the game.
> I left the walkers path and strayed to a quiet place that gave me the illusion of being alone in the woods. I switched off my music and decided to really listen for the sounds and the silence of the woods. I was suprised that I actually heard something. I wasn't suprised at all that I liked what I heard.

I now sit at the duck pond, watching the most amusing flock of bright looking birds clumsily make their way out of the water to investigate my presence. I take out my journal and put my pen to paper. As I continue to watch them, there is a disturbing presence in the background ofthis otherwise deserted spot where I sit. I look up and see a middle aged man climb a distant tree and hang himself upside down from one of its brances as his wife looks on.

I stare and then decide I've seen enough for a day. Just then Dad calls and asks me if I intend being home in time for breakfast. I tell him Im getting up to leave and apologize for the delay.

As I get up to brush the leaves off of my pants I notice them only for the second time since I came to the park today. I smile. Not so much at the perfect fit and the perfect shade of grey, but at the passing thought that I might not be here if it were'nt for my new grey hot pants.

"Happy New Year" say we

2007-01-10T00:37:00.000-08:00

We say it a lot. We say it many ways. We almost always mean it.
We also probably make our celebration of the occasion a tad too immoderate.

In fact, the entire month of December has a celebratory air to it. The SMS'es, the end of the year sales, the excessive partying seems all to be building momentum for that moment when the nearest clock strikes 12 on the night of the eve of the year to be ushered in. Phew.

As early as 2 weeks before, Ive had the girls ask if I've decided on/shopped for/confirmed with boyfriend what to wear on D day. Even before the eternal question of 'So what plans for New Years Eve?' is asked, let alone waited to be answered, the attire must be appropriated. Of course you have plans. You don't already??? But surely, something. Wait, I can arrange for passes. There's this fantabulous party on...

Then, there are the SMS'es, did I mention. I honestly like the more simple ones. Genuine somehow they seem to me. I even look forward to them. The bad jokes and the oh-they-never-end words of wisdom forwarded to the entire address book, get my goat.

Of course with clothes bought, drinking apetites suitably revived and rythmic dancing carelessly practiced, the New Year is more than eagerly awaited. Whichever DJ you're lucky to have, woud'nt have it in his music to get as many people on the dance floor as the 'last 5 minutes to New Year' cry does. Then there are mushy couples, formal smiley couples, large loud families, small quiet ones, peppy college girls, kids in pinks and greens all 'dancing the night away'. I do hope you're been at one of those parties where they have confetti sprayed down at the strike of 12, the lights switched off and sudden silence dramatically enhanced. It can be quite an anti climax to have the weather, the friends, the loved ones, quite nearly the same.

If you've been banking on the new clothes, the dancing and the large vodka to make you feel all 'Happy New Year', there might be a bit of a let down.

If you're lucky to be around people who care for you, the ones you love, then there's something that feels good in knowing that some things, despite the changing seasons and years will not change. Some will. For the better. For the worse. It is for us to evolve through all of this and learn our lessons.

Relationships will be made, some will need to be gotten over, a good many strenghthened.
Seasons will change, much as before (Im not accounting for global warming)
Go ahead, make your resolutions, honour some, you'll do just fine.

Its the 'New Year' , it is. And I wish you and me a very 'Happy' one.

Prelude

2007-01-01T01:38:00.000-08:00

I officially work as an analyst with a leading consulting firm. Great, so after that icebreaker (as much of a disclaimer) I shall proceed to tell you a bit about this blog. The above mentioned occupation habituates a need for an agenda, a master plan and a vision for this or any document. For those of you who've battled the irritating desire to get straight to the blog contents and are still with me, be glad. I am going to share no such thing. I shall aim to put all my impulsive, random musings to some semblance of creative structure.

This not a reflection of the where I work, who I am, what I like or not.
This might mirror the world as I see it and also maybe as I would like to see it.
Sometimes its just some random musings.
But this blog comes from the heart.